Endings & Starts

Do  you ever wonder what life would be like if things were different?

I don’t mean if Hitler hadn’t been born, or if Superman had landed in the USSR instead (though that is a fascinating idea, Mr Millar…); I mean everyday things.

Life is built on such a mountain of happenstance.

What if I hadn’t started working in that bookshop that day?

What if I hadn’t won that fellowship and moved to Britain?

What if my mom hadn’t been brain-damaged in a car accident while I was navigating puberty?

What if I had been adopted (life’s original plan for little old me)?

So many things, both small and large, happen in the blink of an eye.

It’s hard not to feel that pressure on the minute decisions of today and tomorrow sometimes. That this loaf of bread or that red light or this job application could be the next milestone, the next turning point, and I’ll never see it coming.


I am full of heavy things today. Heavy, answerless things.

I think Sahmain is riling my blood.

Sahmain is an old Gaelic holiday–the end of the harvest, Halloween, All Saints Day, El Dia de los Muertos, and the turning point if winter all rolled into one.

A time to reap what has past and sow for the future.

A time to welcome the darkness with fire and dancing, and bid farewell to the warmth of summer and those that are gone.

It is bittersweet and beautiful.

The catharsis and reflection it brings are needed this year especially.

There is much to remember, and I can’t help but feel it’s time to batten down the hatches.

A storm is coming. I just don’t know from where yet…


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